Benefits of Abstinence

Benefits of Abstinence

Clear conscience with God.

Peace of mind in your life and future relationships, and marriage.

More self-respect and more respect for each other1 and respected by other people.

Always remember, in a healthy relationship, respect precedes love. And premarital sex only throws away your self respect and your partner's.

You enter marriage with a more positive outlook and without carrying emotional baggage.

Personal freedom for both of you and your (future) marriage partner.

Significantly better chance in having more satisfying and more stable marriage.

Longer lasting relationship. Premarital sex surprisingly breaks up more dating couples than any other factor.

No comparing or being compared sexually in marriage. It also means "being free to enjoy maximum sex, maximum leisure, maximum satisfaction, and maximum liberty, in the way God intended" that is in the covenant of marriage.

No worries about pregnancy and STDs.

Less worries about bad reputation.

It's a fact that persons and couples who have premarital sex are more likely to have extramarital affairs as well.

Premarital sex often fools a person into marrying someone who really isn't right for them.
You don't have to put yourself under someone else's mercy not to reject you. It's still a fact, that the more "experienced" guys and girls are generally less desirable and less respected as dating or marriage partners.

Realize there is a 98 percent chance you will never marry the person you date in high school3, so it is always better to keep yourself pure for the right person, that is your future wife or husband.

(sources: http://www.premaritalsex.info/)

Calming Your Nerves in High Stress Situations

By Jim Tonkins

Is it your turn to give a speech to everyone in your class? About to take the SAT or heading out to meet your boyfriend's mom and dad? These moments make it very important for you to know how to harness your inner strength and get calm.

Everyone has moments of nervousness, but no one wants to fail an oral exam because they were too nervous to think, or pass out when you are about to address a crowd due to stage fright. But there are techniques you can use to calm your nerves.

Sometimes you can forget to take a breath when your nerves are getting the best of you. You may be gasping for air, which is obviously getting enough breath into your body, but it isn't helping you get calm, and it's sending your system into overdrive.

Taking deep even breaths can help get you adjusted to your situation. It can also take the focus off of what you are about to do and keep you from thinking of what could go wrong.

Often we will get unnecessarily upset about the task at hand and it is impossible to stop the butterflies in our stomach. Once you have completed your speech or test, you are suddenly flooded with relief.

It might help you to calm down if you focus on the feeling of relief you will get when you are done. We all recognize that feeling, don't we? The one that comes the moment you are "all done." If you return your focus to that feeling, you can place yourself in a very calm mode before you even begin.

It is also a good idea to pep yourself up with positive talk. Try going through a list of things that make you or your speech great. Build your own ego up by reminding yourself how awesome, confident, and amazing you are. This will help you see there is not one thing to be afraid of.

Although, you may not truly feel this way about yourself, you can "fake it til you make it." Build yourself up and eventually, you will achieve those wonderful things you are telling yourself.

Calming your nerves before an important speech, test or event is an important skill to master. Follow some of these tips and you will be a master of the art in no time.

Self Esteem and Teens

BY Marneta Viegas

According to Young Minds in an average secondary school of 1000 pupils 100 have self harmed by the age of 16,100 will be suffering from mental health problems and experiencing significant stress, 50 pupils will be seriously depressed 20 pupils will have obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), and 5-10 are likely to attempt suicide.

These statistics are quite terrifying and reveal that our modern day teens are under increased pressure and their mental health and sense of self esteem is being affected. In fact, a recent Unicef study showed UK teenagers had amongst the worst emotional health amongst high income countries in Europe. Self-esteem is all about how much people value themselves, the pride they feel in themselves, and how worthwhile they feel. Self-esteem is important because feeling good about oneself can affect how you act. An adolescent who has high self-esteem will make friends easily, is more in control of his or her behavior, and will be able to enjoy life more.

Those with low self esteem will tend not to believe in themselves and will not be able to appreciate their talents and abilities, take praise as they talk negatively about themselves. They often have a feeling of being unloved and unwanted.

The daily pressures of school, parents and "getting in with the right crowd" combined with changing bodies can be a great strain on teens and it is easy to see why they reach out for the temptations of drink, smoking, drugs and sex before they fully comprehend what they are doing. Body image is a great problem for teens who feel they have to live up to media images of perfectly airbrushed and blemish free faces and bodies. It is easy to see why around 10% of teens have anorexia bulimia or binge eating disorders, (Consensus, 2010).

Many teens feel they do not look right when they compare themselves to actors and models. Body image can be closely linked to self-esteem as they care more about how others see them. It is very difficult to help teens get themselves out of the frame of mind that they have to fit other people's "ideals", when the media embraces the cult of the celebrity so much. The press publicise varying images of those in the public eye on a daily basis and conflicting articles about the way we should look. Celebrities are openly accused of being too fat, too thin, too blasé and promiscuous - the list goes on. As adults, we can be less naïve about the impact that celebrities play on our personas - we understand that some "play up" to certain images. We understand the high wage packets that they earn in exchange for keeping up this public image. Equally, we have learnt that life is less stressful, once we start accepting who we are and stop trying to emulate others.

Talk to your teen. Help them understand the importance of being an individual in today's society. Some might question this - it is difficult for them to recognise their own strengths when they may not be "the norm". However, challenge this. Ask them to write down the things that they respect and chances are, the people that they consider to be their role model, may not behave in the manner that they consider respectful. Once you point out this difference to your teen, they will be able to understand more clearly the role that the media plays on society and the fact that they have a choice not to follow it. There is a difference between enjoying these celebrity centred articles for light reading and following it as if it is a strict guideline for the way we should behave.

Reassure your teen of their strengths and help them be confident in themselves. Once this becomes more commonplace, a more relaxed approach to life should be notable. If you need some ideas to try and help make your teens more confident - try these confidence boosters for teens.

10 confidence boosters for teens:

1. Stand Tall - As you walk down the street, remember to stand tall and take in a deep breath. Imagine you are breathing in confidence!

2. Smile - Even if it is the last thing you feel like doing, keep smiling. Try and look for little things to smile about, smile at strangers. Just the act of smiling releases endorphins into your bloodstream.

3. Compliments - Every time someone pays you a compliment, accept it graciously and really own that compliment rather than disregard or laugh it off.

4. Diary - Keep a diary and try to note down all all your successes. Celebrate and reward your successes!

5. Friends - Surround yourself with positive and confident people who make you feel good about yourself. Do activities that encourage you to get out in nature and exercise. You might like create a `dream team` - a group of people who support and motivate you and share your dreams and wishes. Share your ideas and dreams and make steps to make these into a reality.

6. Mirror - Look into a mirror and say `I love you`. Remind yourself of what makes you special. This is a hard one to start with, but will get easier with time.

7. Achievements - Make a book of your achievements, talents and qualities. List all your successes and things that you are proud of. List all the things that makes you the special person that you are and include all the things that you have done to others and how you have made others happy. You might like to put them in a book and refer to it when you are feeling low.

8. Talk - As much as possible talk to yourself in a kind and positive way. If you notice you talk to yourself in a negative way with put downs, try to stop and change it immediately.

9. Affirmations - Each day, repeat one positive statement or affirmation. You might say `I am positive and everything that happens is good` or `I am special and I make a difference`. You might even like to theme your day as a positive, happy, confident, joyful or special day and do things that make you feel that way. Here are some ideas: I am unique, i am special, I think about all the things that make me special, I choose thoughts that make me feel good about myself, I deserve to have good in my life, I love the fact that I am different and unique, I am not afraid to be different, I am not afraid to be special, I know that I am loved and respected, I love and respect myself, I believe in myself I know that I make a difference to those around me, I feel good about myself. I believe in myself. I believe in myself I believe in myself, I feel confident, I fill my mind with positive thoughts about myself, I am proud of the things I have achieved. I congratulate myself. I love myself, I am unique and wonderful, I love and accept myself, I love and accept myself.`

10. Relax and Visualise - Relaxation is a great help to feeling better about yourself as it helps you feel good and help manage feelings and emotions.Close your eyes and imagine you are standing in front of a mirror. See yourself standing tall, smiling and looking great. Notice how you feel. Let the positive and confident feelings wash all over you.

Here is a relaxation exercise to practice:

Sit comfortably on your chair, uncross your legs and place your feet firmly on the ground. Move your body to make it comfortable. "Close your eyes and place your hands on your lap. Feel yourself becoming calm and relaxed. Take in a deep breath and breathe all the way out. As you sit there, feel your mind becoming still and quiet. Imagine you are sitting on your own private tropical island. Feel the warmth of the sun on your body as you sit on warm sand.

Listen to the gentle sound of waves lapping against the shore. Look out that the crystal turquoise blue water. Spend a few moments watching the waves moving over the sand. Watch the rhythmic movement of the waves. Feel your tension melting away as you watch the waves move over the sand. Notice how the sunlight sparkles on the water. Watch the sparkling water as it ripples gently. Smell the refreshing salt in the air. Take in a deep breath and breathe out gently.

Breathe in, breathe out. Feel yourself becoming more calm and focussed as you breathe in and out. Enjoy the smell of salt air. Notice how you feel on this tranquil island. You are far away from everyday stresses and problems. Spend sometime enjoying being free from worry and tension. Feel the warm sun on your shoulders and feel the warm breeze on your face and hair. Feel the sand between your fingers and toes. Just relax and breathe. You feel calm and quiet and in control. As you sit there, you become absorbed by the beauty around you. You notice the palm trees gently swaying in the breeze. You focus on the colourful birds and wildlife. You feel soft and quiet inside as you enjoy sitting on your own private tropical island. As you sit here, make a list of all the things you are going to do to help you de-stress your life.

Make a list of activities that you think will help you become calmer and more focussed. Make a list of three things you are going to promise to do to help you stay stress-free and happy. Spend a few moments on your tropical island the peace and quiet and making plans to keep this peace and quiet in your life.

Keep focussing on what you need to do to keep your life stress-free.

Studies have concluded that the level of positive nurturing in the relationship between parents and their children is important to predicting positive outcomes throughout a child' developmental years. (Paul Barton/The Stock Market)

Id, Ego, & Superego

Conversation

Conversation — direct, indirect, internalized — makes even solitary
tasks into collaborative ones. Once we begin to use speech
instrumentally, we work together, whether we work together or apart.

by Kenneth A. Bruffee, Professor of English, Brooklyn College

Going to work on the Weekdays (From monday to Friday)

Child Prostitution

The Missing Piece Meets The Big O

 

The Missing Piece Meets The Big O by Shel Silverstein

There are many people walk in and out of your life

You may find some of them have the potential that you don't have

Some of them may have the talent that you wish to have

Some of them may be better than you at certain area

Therefore...

You want to fit into them

So that you can depend on them to move on

To make your life perfect

But...

You have to know that

You don't have to fit anyone or anything

Because you've got your own unique potential

Your own talent that allows you to move on

You have your own life and your own journey

You have to roll on yourself

For no one is going to roll on with you together forever

Perhaps you're still stumbling all the way

But believe it

One day you're gonna lost your edge and become rounder

Have faith in yourself...

"Drinking Alcohol Damages Teenagers’ Brains"

by David J. Hanson, Ph. D.

Does drinking in adolescence harm brain development? Does consuming alcohol before age 21 cause permanent brain damage? Does underage drinking retard mental development?

Federal agencies warn us that:

“Research indicates that the human brain continues to develop into a person’s early twenties and that exposure of the developing brain to alcohol may have long-lasting effects on intellectual capabilities.”

“Exposing the brain to alcohol during this period (i.e, before age 21) may interrupt key processes of brain development” and “alcohol–induced brain damage may persist.”

“The brains and bodies of teens are still developing, and alcohol use can cause learning problems.”

Private interest and activist groups assert that:

“Drinking before the age of 21 can cause irreversible brain damage.”

“There is growing evidence to suggest that alcohol use prior to age 21 impairs crucial aspects of youthful brain development”

“alcohol can do long-term and irreversible damage to critical neurological development that is ongoing during the teen-age years and continues until age 20.”

Similarly, newspaper stories tell us:

“research indicates that the brain continues to develop until age 21, and that young brains can be irreversibly damaged by alcohol.”

Research “shows the human brain doesn't stop growing until about age 21 or 22, and that alcohol consumption can alter or retard that growth, including memory and test-taking ability.”

The evidence about teen drinking and potential brain damage comes from two sources.

(1) The first source of evidence is from lab rats that are typically given very large doses of alcohol. Large enough quantities of alcohol appear to cause brain impairment in young rats, especially if given over a long enough period of time.

Interestingly, at lower levels of consumption, the “adolescent” rats tend to be less susceptible to motor impairment and also less easily sedated than are older rats. The conclusions to be drawn from this for rats’ brains and alcohol isn’t clear.

A more serious problem is that rats aren’t humans and many if not most processes found in rats don’t apply at all to humans. For example, innumerable drugs cure diseases in rats but the vast majority of such drugs fail to do so in humans.

(2) The second source of evidence comes from humans. However, the humans who are studied are virtually always alcohol and/or drug dependent individuals. Not surprisingly, long-time alcohol abusers tend not to do as well at a variety of mental tasks as those who don’t abuse alcohol.

It appears that large enough quantities of alcohol can impair brain development in rats and that it can also do the same in humans. There’s no surprising news there.

These studies never deal with light or moderate alcohol consumption among young humans. However, “natural experiments” on drinking among young people have been going on for thousands of years around the world.

In many societies most people drink and they begin doing so in the home from a very early age. Examples familiar to most people include Italians, Jews, Greeks, Portuguese, French, Germans and Spaniards. There is neither evidence or any reason to even suspect that members of these groups are brain impaired compared to those societies that do not permit young people to consume alcohol.

There appears to be absolutely no evidence whatsoever that the light or moderate consumption of alcohol by persons under the age of 21 causes any brain impairment or harm. Of course, that doesn’t justify breaking any laws.

Federally-funded research does suggest that teens who drink alcohol with their parents are less likely than others to have either consumed alcohol or abused it in recent weeks according to a nation-wide study of over 6,200 teenagers in 242 communities across the U.S.

Drinking alcohol with parents “may help teach them responsible drinking habits or extinguish some of the ‘novelty’ or ‘excitement’ of drinking” according to senior researcher Dr. Kristie Long Foley of the School of Medicine at Wake Forest University. Dr. Foley describes drinking with parents as a “protective” behavior.

Contrary to popular belief, drinking with parental approval is legal in many states across the country. Only seven states prohibit those under age 21 from drinking under all circumstances.

Needless to say, no one of any age should ever over-consume or abuse alcohol.

Something more VALUABLE

Put your handphones at a side
Have a look at the people around you

Especially your loved ones

You'll find love and care

Something you won't be able to get from your phones...

Breast Reduction For Teens - Know More

By A Aaronson

There is no doubt that we currently live in a world that places a great emphasis on physical appearance and sexuality. This culture can create a challenging world for teens who are already dealing with heightened emotions and developing self-awareness. While many teens struggle discomfort or insecurity with their appearance, one of the most traumatic physical issues a girl can face is disproportionately large breasts. Many may seek help from a surgical breast reduction.

Parents may initially be shocked to learn that their youth wants to voluntarily subject themselves to such a serious procedure as reduction. But doctors say that it is important for parents to spend time listening to their children and understanding their goals, rather than dismissing them.

The issues for a teen are two-fold. First, is the attention, overly large breasts can lead to unwanted and unwelcome stares, leers and comments from both peers and other men. At school, she may feel stereotyped and given objectionable nicknames. The negative attention can be crippling, sometimes making a teen feel uncomfortable going to places as normal as the mall.

On the other side is the physical discomfort. Large size is commonly associated with chronic shoulder, neck and back pain. Additional symptoms can include arm and breast pain, rashes underneath the breast and painful grooves in the shoulders caused by bra straps.

Following the reduction woman often find it easier to complete physical tasks and more enjoyable to participate in sports and other activities. Shopping becomes more enjoyable as they can more easily find clothes to fit their proportions.

Even with all those potential benefits, most doctors are unlikely to recommend elective reduction surgery for girls under 18. A female should be fully mature, having been at a stable height, weight and breast size for two to three years. The chances of a follow-up surgery being required are greatly increased in girls who are not done growing.

A potential candidate and her parents should spend plenty of time researching the procedure, interviewing potential doctors, looking at before and after photos and talking to people who have undergone the procedure. The associated risks and long-term effects of surgery need to be carefully considered and discussed with parents and doctors.

For example, there is a possibility she will not be able to breast feed, something that may not be important to her in the present but may be in the future. It's also possible that follow-up surgeries will be required.

Adolescence represents an inner emotional upheaval, a struggle between the eternal human wish to cling to the past and the equally powerful wish to get on with the future. ~ Louise J.Kaplan

Class belongingness in adolescent motivation

Adolescents who feel valued and respected by classmates are more likely to report adaptive achievement motivation, reports a study from The Journal of Experimental Education. Students with a good quality friendship and a best friend who values academics also were more likely to report adaptive achievement motivation, report the authors.

Participants in this study of the social aspects of student motivation were 253 6th, 7th and 9th grade science students in a large southern suburban school district where the average education and income of students were above average. Students attended 13 different science classes taught by four teachers; in all the classes, instructional activities such as lab work required that students interact with one another.

The authors investigated associations among perceived peer relationships and achievement motivation during science class. Students completed a questionnaire assessing peer classroom climate, achievement-related beliefs and values of a best friend, achievement goals, social goals, and self-efficacy.

Students self-assessed on the following measures: Approaches to learning, classroom social goals, classmates' involvement, class belongingness, classmates' resistance to school norms, best friend's academic valuing, best friend's resistance to school norms, friendship quality. Students indicated that they agreed or disagreed with the statements on a 1-5 scale from strongly disagree to agree. Regression analyses indicated that perceived peer relationship variables explained variance in achievement motivation.

The researchers built their study on M. L. Maehr's (1984) theory of personal investment. Maehr proposed that the meaning a learner creates for an activity determines how much time and energy will be invested in that activity. He identified three facets of meaning: the individual's current goals, sense of self, and perceptions of action possibilities in the classroom. The study focused on two facets of meaning, achievement and social goals.

"Adolescents who perceived they were valued and respected members of the classroom community reported higher self-efficacy and mastery, performance-approach, intimacy, and responsibility goals, each of which is positively associated with student achievement," they write.

Achievement Motivation in Adolescents: The Role of Peer Climate and Best Friends by R. Michael Nelson and Teresa DeBacker. The Journal of Experimental Education, Volume 76, Number 2, 2008, pp. 170-189.

Adolescence - A Period That Really Matters

"Adolescence is a period of Storm and Stress"- G. Stanley Hall

"Human Development Process" is the most mysterious part, nature had ever created. Everyone agrees with it. While passing through the various stages under this "development" process, we attain childhood, adolescence and adulthood. Among these "Adolescence" perhaps is the most complicated phase, we ever experience.

Adolescence seems to be a chaotic and at the same time, a vibrant period of human life. According to Wolman, "adolescence is a transitional stage of development between childhood and adulthood." It's the period, when young people develop an abstract thinking, awareness of their sexuality and peer-grouping as well. It's a time when youngsters start taking new responsibilities, establish a quest for their identity and begin the trek to find a place in the world.

From biological point of view, adolescence is a period of 'disaster', as people encounter end number of biological and emotional stresses in this stage. Inception of puberty declares the attainment of adolescence in one's life. Cracking voice, cranky, acne, sudden go-sky-high in height, scrotal and testicular enlargement, knocks of razor on youth-face are some of the physical changes that boys generally face in this period. Whereas onset of first menstruation, growth of reproductive systems, become hairy, shrinks voice, lots of pimples on face are some physical signs that denote adolescence among girls.

With these sudden changes, young people start behaving uncomfortably. They often found in emotional tensions. New social situations, behavioral pattern and societal expectations leave them in a situation of insecurity and depression and in the mean time; they develop impulsive urge inside to take immediate action. Adolescents often face the identity crisis. They often struggle for individual identity, their own values and beliefs. These behavioral changes may sometimes end up with maladjustment.

In the meantime, adolescents start peer-grouping, creating friends group of similar interests and seems to live in their own world. Peer-group influences seem stronger on their attitude, value and behaviour than their own family. 'Puberty' plays the emotional roller-coaster role inside all these behavioral changes. Along with adolescents their parents also get frustrating while dealing with their swinging behaviors of flying high in one minute, and then turn upset in the next.

But with some positive intellectual developments, adolescence proof to be the most noticeable and interesting phase itself. Logical, creative and innovative ideas emerge in this period. Adolescents also develop their interest in world affair, politics and government. A genuine desire to help others, social work, arranging charity shows to help the poor are some of the noble causes that adolescents seems to be involved.

Whether its negative or positive behavioral developments an adolescent develop, it's a moral duty of adults to offer a helping hand to adolescents, which help them to overcome their maladjustment. Parents should always support and encourage their adolescent son or girl to discuss their feelings to reduce stress level. Moreover parents and adults of our society should encourage the positive attitudes of this young future generation. Because, bursting with energy, creativity, curiosity and vigor; these youngsters portray a huge potential to change the world in an astonishing way, making the world a better place to everyone.

In words of Nelson Mandela, "My dear young people: I see the light in your eyes, the energy in your bodies and the hope that is in your spirit. I know it is you, not I, who will make the future. It is you, not I, who will fix our wrongs and carry forward all that is right in the world.


BY Rashmi Barua

Brain Development in Adolescence

BY Ramona Hall

Peer pressure is not isolated to one age group, everyone needs to belong or feel connected to his or her own age group. Kids and adults are partnered to peer pressure. Teens like adults are influenced by their peer group. This is normal behavior and is modeled for teenagers by the adults around them. As adults, we are familiar with the expression "keeping up with the Jones'," a sense of wanting to fit in. Adults conform to the social standards set by their peers and teenagers are very carefully watching the adults that influence his or her life.

Teen peer pressure -is more than just a phase that young people go through. Whether it leads to extreme hair and clothing, tattoos, or body piercing, peer pressure is a powerful reality and many adults do not realize its effects. It can be a negative force in the lives of children and adolescents, often resulting in their experimenting with tobacco, alcohol, and illegal drugs.

Teenagers want to be with people their own age. Children, especially during adolescence, begin to spend a lot more time with their friends, and less time with their family. This makes them more susceptible to the influences of their peers. It is important to remember that teenage friends can have a positive influence on a youth. During teenage years, young people are more accepting of their peers feelings and thoughts. Peers can and do act as positive role models.

Parents, teachers, and other adults should encourage teenagers to find friends that have similar interests and views as you a parent, educator, religious and community leader are trying to develop in the teen. The critical adult views including doing well in school, having respect for others, avoiding drug use, smoking, drinking and other risky behaviors.

During adolescence, young people put into practice risk-taking behaviors as they are trying to find their own identity and become more independent. This makes them very vulnerable to experimenting or becoming addicted to drugs and alcohol, sexual activity, and defiance of authority, especially if there is peer pressure to do so. Adolescents who use drugs are also more likely to become involved in gang activity, have low self-esteem, behavior problems, school performance problems, and depression.

Parents, teachers, religious and community leaders want to promote positive peer pressure among teens. Parents and other adults often believe that teenagers do not value their opinions. In reality, studies suggest that parents have tremendous influence over their children, especially teenagers. No matter the age of their children, parents, caregivers and other adult role models should never feel helpless about countering the negative effects of peer pressure.

Here are some suggestions what parents and other adults can do:

o Establish and maintain good communications
o Nurture strong self-esteem
o Avoid criticism that takes the form of ridicule or shame
o Monitor your teens activities
o Role-play peer pressure situations
o Talk openly and honestly about stealing, alcohol, illegal drugs, and sex
o Avoid attacking the teen's friends- criticizing a teenagers choice of friend can be perceived by a teen as a personal attack.
o Be an involved parent
o Ask questions and enjoy listening to teenagers as he or she talks
o Get teenagers involved in youth groups, community activities and peer monitoring programs
o Help the teen understand the difference between image (expressions of youth culture) and identity (who he or she is)

Peer pressure during childhood and adolescence equips young people to develop healthy friendships, self-identity, self-esteem, and self-reliance. It is healthy for everyone to talk about how they feel what they need, desire and want. Parents mistakenly assume that their teen does not want to talk to them, but it may just be that the teenager does not want to talk about his or her bad grades, their bad behavior and how much trouble they are in. Usually teenagers are more willing to talk about something they are interested in or something positive that is about them.

Develop a habit of talking with your teen everyday. Building a strong close open relationship with him or her while they are young will make it easier for your teen to discuss problems, concerns and other sensitive issues associated with school, relationships, and other life stressors.

Erikson & the Media

Adolescent brain

Telling a teenager the facts of life is like giving a fish a bath.
-- Arnold H. Glasow

Adolescents are not monsters. They are just people trying to learn how to make it among the adults in the world, who are probably not so sure themselves.
-- Virginia Satir

Why do children want to grow up?  Because they experience their lives as constrained by immaturity and perceive adulthood as a condition of greater freedom and opportunity.  But what is there today, in America, that very poor and very rich adolescents want to do but cannot do?  Not much:  they can "do" drugs, "have" sex, "make" babies, and "get" money (from their parents, crime, or the State).  For such adolescents, adulthood becomes synonymous with responsibility rather than liberty.  Is it any surprise that they remain adolescents?  
~Thomas Szasz

Parents and Teenagers

By Pam Lehman

Community Action Network

It sometimes seems that parents and teenagers live in completely different worlds. A teen's world is often made of dreams rather than realities. The teens' world revolves around the hopes, fears, and dreams of what life will be like as they become independent, develop close peer relationships, choose a career, and "live happily ever after". For teenagers, the teen years are a time of excitement, change and unlimited possibilities. Their whole life is before them, and they can dream about what it will be like. These dreams can all be true at once in their fantasies, but at the present time they are not yet realities. This lack of fulfillment can bring on a painful sense of insecurity, inferiority and lack of identity.

Since teenagers have not had much experience in testing dreams against reality, many of their hopes and dreams may seem crazy to their parents, who are busy with the realities and practical requirements of daily life. Their world revolves around family responsibilities, jobs, and finances, as well as trying to meet their individual needs. Parents of teenagers are also dealing with the stresses of midlife. They may have come to the painful realization that there are now more realities than dreams in their lives, and many of those realities have not lived up to their dreams or expectations.

There are other basic differences between how parents and teenagers perceive their worlds. In their efforts to establish their independence and develop close peer relationships, teens place much importance on being different from parents, and tend to identify strongly with their peers. Parents can feel frustrated and rejected by their teens apparent withdrawal and changes in values.

These differences in perspectives often makes it very difficult for both parents and teens to imagine themselves in the other's world, and often contributes to conflicts between them. It may be helpful for both parents and teenagers to be aware of the differences in their perspectives as well as to keep in mind some of the things that they have in common between their worlds.

Teenagers and parents are both human beings with similar human emotions and needs. Both need to feel good about themselves and to have satisfying relationships with other people. But most importantly, teenagers and their parents both have the common goal of the teenager ultimately becoming an independent, happy adult.

For more information, comments or questions, please call the Trinity Adolescent Program at (515) 574-6596.

This article was written by Pam Lehman, a counselor with the Trinity Recovery Center at Trinity Regional Hospital. Pam has a Master of Science degree in counseling.