Teens Should Think Twice About Tattoos

BY Dr. Sean Lanigan and Gill A Grozier

Tattoos are more popular now than ever. Worldwide, the growth in the tattoo industry has continued despite economic downturns and financial belts tightening. Those with disposable income are getting inked in their droves. And the demographic with the most disposal income to spend on tattoos are teenagers.

Tattoos amongst the young can be an acknowledgment of their passions, their musical tastes, their first love or a 'tribal' mark indicating their membership of a certain social group. The extraordinary skill of tattoo artists has pushed the boundaries of what can be translated from design book into body art to new levels. It is now genuinely an 'art form'. But as any experienced and responsible tattoo artist will warn you, it's also permanent. So that band that you adore right now is probably not going to be around in 20 years time - but the tattoo you rashly decided to have done celebrating your devotion to them will be.

Personal tastes change, and amongst teenagers they can change just days later. This is why nearly everyone who has tattoos, even those who are seriously into their body art, have at least one or two tattoos that they regret. These are tattoos that were done in haste and are now an embarrassing reminder of a teenage crush or obsession. When asked, more than 40% of teenagers with tattoos did not realise how difficult and expensive it is to get a tattoo removed. Laser tattoo removal is currently one of the only truly effective methods of getting rid of unwanted body art. But it's expensive, time consuming and can still lead to permanent scarring, particularly if the tattoo being removed is a big one or has large areas of black in the design such as 'tribal' tattoos.

A report published in the scientific Journal of Adolescent Health found that less than half of teenagers who want to get a tattoo knew about the difficulties and potential risks involved in tattoo removal. The investigation asked more than 4,200 students aged 14 to 22 years of age what they knew about tattoo removal. The results, with 40% of those asked having no idea what it involved, proved that young people are still quite unaware of what the consequences of body modification were.

Tell teenagers not to do something and that rebellious streak that we all have at that age will immediately kick in. Of those questioned in the poll, 6% already had tattoos and many more indicated that they were thinking of getting 'inked'. During your teenage years, you are unlikely to think of the consequences of decisions later on in life. But tattoos are not something that should be decided upon on a whim. Any self respecting tattoo artist will not only help you select an appropriate design, but also ask you more than once if you are sure that the tattoo you have chosen is the one you want to live with for the rest of your life before they fire up the tattoo machine. Many tattoo artists are now refusing to do boyfriends or girlfriends names, as these are without doubt the most common 'tattoo regret' later on in life. So while you may think that you are utterly in love right now with 'Dwayne', that relationship may end next week and you are left with an unwanted reminder of a failed relationship and a tattoo that could be very embarrassing later on. Unless, of course, you only go out with boys called Dwayne...

A good tattoo, expertly rendered and well designed, can look incredible. A bad tattoo or one that at the time seemed 'awesome' but is now pretty high up on the cringe meter can be expensive and painful to have removed. The advice to anyone thinking of having a tattoo is take your time to think long and hard before you decide on any body art. You're the one who is going to have to live with the results.

Beating School Stress With Positive Thinking

BY Chris Stauffer

Let's face it, school is stressful. There is just no way to study and prepare and do all the things you need to do, and not feel it sometimes. Students of every age, all the way from little kids in kindergarten to middle-aged folks getting Masters Degrees suffer from some stress.

We can't eliminate school stress, but we can do a lot to minimize its impact on us. After all, even if we get stressed-out, we still need to do our best and get our work done. The key to dealing with school stress is to understand what causes it.

What Stresses You Out

Deadlines are a major school stressor. Everything is due at a certain time, and this causes us to worry whether we'll get it done. You've got a test tomorrow, and wondering whether you're prepared for it keeps you from preparing for it!

Most of us are natural procrastinators. Leaving everything until the last minute puts tons of pressure on us. Bad time management and procrastination make that deadline seem deadly! Bad time management is a symptom of a bigger problem - disorganization. If you are 100% organized in everything you do, your school life will be a breeze. But, how many of us can say that we are?

Finally, a major stressor for students is the simple fear that we won't make it. With deadlines, tests, things to do, our own messy disorganization, and a whole wide array of expectations on us from teachers, we simply worry whether we'll pass or not.

Look On The Bright Side

You can't get completely organized and do everything the day it's assigned. But, you can eliminate your fear of not making the grade. This is the number one stressor that hinders top school performance, and it can be overcome very simply.

The reason you're afraid of not passing is because it's what you're telling yourself everyday. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. This means that if you are chanting to yourself over and over, "I'll fail," then you WILL fail. There's no doubt about it. These self-defeating attitudes can be crippling for people.

What if, instead of saying "I'll fail. I'll fail," you started telling yourself everyday, "I'll pass with flying colors!"?

This is called a "positive affirmation" and it is a tool used by psychiatrists to treat major emotional disorders. However, anybody can do it. It clears the mind of negative thoughts and instills positive ones instead. It's your key to success in beating school stress.

Simply identify your negative thoughts. What are you telling yourself everyday that is tearing you down? Now, turn them in a positive direction. Choose a few key phrases, and repeat them to yourself at various times throughout the day. Whenever you feel that negative, self-defeating thought creeping up on you, fight back with your positive affirmation.

It sounds too easy to work, but it works wonders. Your self-defeating attitude can defeat you, so replace it with a positive one instead.

"We all wear masks and the time comes when we cannot remove them without removing our own skin." - André Berthiaume

“Love feels no burden, thinks nothing of its trouble, attempts what is above its strength, pleads no excuse for impossibility, for it thinks all things are lawful for itself and all things are possible.” - Thomas A. Kempis

“But I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep. And miles to go before I sleep.” - Robert Frost

"A family is a place where minds come in contact with one another. If these minds love one another, the home will be as beautiful as a flower garden. But if these minds get out of harmony with one other it is like a storm that plays havoc with the garden." - Buddha

"I have always found that mercy bears richer fruit than strict justice." - Abraham Lincoln

Talking with your children about Gender Identity Issues

Talking with your Children about Gender Identity Issues

___________________________________________________________

by Gianna Eveling Israel

Copyright © 1996, all rights reserved.

Emblazoned with various social, moral and religious opinions, disclosing and discussing one's transgendered status with adolescent and adult children is frequently one of the most difficult issues brought up by clients in my counseling practice. Because our western society is polarized with gender and sexual stereotypes transgendered individuals survive relatively closeted familially and socially making these issues all the more difficult to talk about.
 
During our individual exploration of transgendered issues we must decide how much of a public face we wish to reveal to others. Additionally we must decide which values we wish to incorporate into our private lives and ultimately extend to children. Agreed, every parent wishes to provide their child with safety, nurturance, education and the opportunity to build self and social acceptance skills.

Firsthand before disclosing to any relationship of importance, establish the facts, understand how being transgendered affects your life and theirs. Talk with your counselor regarding disclosure options and relevancy. In some cases not disclosing or limited disclosure may be optimum. One frequently overlooked necessity for those who are unable to disclose, is dealing with the feelings surrounding having to keep something hidden from family members, this is another subject that would be appropriate to bring into discussion with your counselor.

If at all possible, choose disclosure when you feel revealing will increase the quality of the relationship.
Being able to speak effectively about gender issues is important. Defining the distinction between sexual and gender identity is a frequently misunderstood process, as well these definitions are commonly misrepresented socially through stereotypes. However, explaining the distinction does not have to be difficult. Sexual Identity or Orientation basically indicates where sexual attraction may lay, whether it be toward the same, opposite or both sexes. Gender Identity basically indicates an internal sense of self and an outward presentation of masculinity or femininity, not necessarily reflecting one's biological gender which is assigned at birth. To simply carry these concepts a step further, Primary Identity reflects an individual's needs in both gender and sexual identification although experience and presentation may not always reflect what actually exists on the inside.

Young children in particular may have some difficulty grasping gender and sexual concepts, thus disclosing with moderation is best. One age relevant option I encourage, is beginning easy-to-understand disclosure when children begin asking gender-related or "personal" questions. "Daddy, why are you wearing Mommy's lipstick and earrings when other Daddies don't," is a pretty obvious indication the child is curious about your behavior.

Because initial comprehension of gender and sexual identity concepts may prove difficult for children, reframing this information into "safe dialogue" is a valuable disclosure tool If creative, you may wish to create a story disclosing healthy gender concepts. Sadly few fairy tales implement such important information. A wonderful alternative I reviewed and recommend is the children's story Fluff the Bunny, which easily understood by children and adults alike, beautifully illustrates Fluff's search for healthy experience and individuality. (Note: The Fluff the Bunny book may be ordered for $12.00, postpaid, Creative Design Services, POB 1263, King of Prussia, PA 19406)

It may be anticipated that not all adolescent, teen and adult children are going to be immediately accepting of your transgendered phenomena. Not pushing the issue on an uninterested or resistant individual has its merits. Sometimes just being able to talk about the issue, if the child wants to, is enough. Finally, one vital disclosure point which needs to be emphasized here and in conversation with your child is...
Regardless of age, the transgendered issue is the parent's issue, not the child's, and that your love for the child remains the same.

As a rule of thumb, if it can in any way be avoided, I do not encourage parents to lie about their gender identity issues when questioned by adolescent or adult children. There is a big difference between choosing not to disclose one's transgendered identity and lying in response to questions originating from a child who sees something going on. In the short term lying may cover up the discomfort you may feel surrounding disclosing your transgendered issues. However in the long run, lying may solely serve to foster disrespect toward a parent's inability to discuss self-acceptance issues. Lying also serves in perpetrating the myth that gender and sexuality are somehow dirty or shameful. One option I suggest for parents who have inquisitive children, yet are not ready for disclosure, is to make an appointment with the child and deal with the issue when you are ready.

One important point easily overlooked in some counseling processes during discussion of child/gender-identified parent issues is the examination of the level of support offered by a non-transgendered parent or partner. All to often I have heard of a non-transgendered parent using gender issues as ammunition during disputes or as a means of estranging the child from the transgendered parent. Sadly as much persuading as the transgendered parent might attempt, it is not infrequent that the non-transgendered parent may remain inflexible in their opinions. Whatever the case may be it is not in the best interest of any child to have one parent undermining the love another. I strongly encourage transgendered parents to remind themselves and their partners that their first responsibility as parents is to provide love for their adolescent, teen and adult children.

Mid Term Exam

UPDATE: Mid term exam covering Chapter 1 to Chapter 5 (Intro to Cognitive Development), consists of 25 MCQs and short essays.

Intra-tutorial Debates

T2, T8 and T9 will be having intra-tutorial debate as planned on this coming Wednesday and Thursday. Everyone is encouraged to attend the debate if you are free, and the debaters for T2 and T8 are encouraged to attend the first debate by T9. Class-rep for T2, T8, and T9, if possible, kindly prepare a token of appreciation (self-made cards etc) for the judges. The date, time, venue and motion of the debate are as followed:

T9 Wed (10/11/2010) 12:30 PM - 02:00 PM B209A
Motion: This house believes that Internet is a safe place for teens to explore.

T8 Wed (10/11/2010) 2:00 PM - 3:30 PM B209A
Motion: This house believes that peers play a more important role than parents during
adolescence.

T2 Thu (11/11/2010) 12:00 PM - 01:30 PM B203B
Motion: This house would abolish all single sex schools in Malaysia

被遗忘的情亲

The Effects of Gossip on Teenage Girls

Fending Off the Emotional Damage of Rumors

By Reece Manley

Gossip may seem an innocent form of normal teenage life, from the outside the topics may seem inane or superficial. However, to the group participants, the conversations often center on areas of life in which the girls are heavily invested. Laurence Owen writes in “The Effects of Indirect Aggression on Teenage Girls” [School Psychology International, 2003] that activities such as group exclusion, derailing other girls and other forms of indirect bullying have consequences ranging from anxiety to deep spells of depression.

The Source of Gossip

In the course of developing friendships, many adolescent girls will belong to a number of social groups or cliques as they move through school. Transitioning from group to group may carry problems including other group members' envy or jealousy. This can result in an amazing amount of gossiping and other forms of indirect bullying.

Another source of gossiping can come in breaking the implied rules of the clique. Whether it be failing to attend a planned social function or failing to fall in line with the latest fashion, breaking the implied agreements of the friendship group can quickly place the offender in the unenviable position of being the target of false rumors.

Of course, some gossiping simply happens out of the interworking of group dynamics. Since there is an inherent drive in social groups to establish a hierarchy, some group members find themselves being attacked or excluded in attempts by other members to assert dominion over them and to bolster the bully in the eyes of the group.

Preventing the Damage of Gossip

The number one way of defending a teenage girl against the effects of gossiping is to bolster her self-esteem and self-confidence. Essential achievement of basic self-esteem enhancing skills is important in an adolescent girl's life. The stronger a girl's self-esteem, the less likely she is to stumble in the face of potential rumor making. Building self-esteem comes from a number of sources. These may include a stronger ability to problem solve, ability to receive and process compliments and an ability to handle social situations.

Parents can help girls face of gossip in a number of ways.

• Identify the gossip and help the target of the rumor understand the falsehoods contained in it.
• Help the girl confront those spreading the rumors with the idea of resolving the behavior immediately.
• Encourage girls to have a wide range of interest and a wide range of friends.
• Spend time learning to understand the teenager's world and what meanings are attached to what actions.
• Help teenagers identify personal strengths and reinforce those strengths.

In the face of gossip, girls may need to learn to apply social skills which help resolve the underlying conflict or issue. If the issue is unrealistic or imagined, girls need to learn to say as much to those applying the bullying behavior. When possible, conflict resolution can be assisted by parents of both girls in a casual gathering to address the issue.

Gossiping can be devastating to teenagers. Gossiping, like most indirect forms of bullying, can result in anxiety and depression as well as lowering self-esteem and self-confidence. Parents can help by teaching girls problem resolving skills and by helping them find their strengths.